Proper Intimacy in Marriage:
Statements by Prophets and Other
General Authorities on Oral Sex
Michael T. Griffith
2010
Second Edition
President Spencer W.
Kimball
"Even though sex can be
an important and satisfactory part of married life we must remember that life
is not designed just for sex. Even
marriage does not make proper certain extremes in sexual indulgence. . . .
Perhaps the Lord's condemnation included secret sexual sins in marriage when he
said: 'And those who are not pure and have said they were pure, shall be
destroyed, saith the Lord God' (D&C 132:52). The First Presidency 'has interpreted oral
sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice' (Letter of
January 5, 1982, to all Stake Presidents, Bishops).
"If it is unnatural,
you just don't do it. That is all, and
all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high
plane. There are some people who have
said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not
condone it." (Spencer W. Kimball, "The Gospel Perspective on
Morality," Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 312)
President Harold B. Lee
President Lee said the
following in response to an inquiry about the propriety of oral sex:
"I was shocked to have
you raise the question about 'oral lovemaking in the genital area among married
couples.' Heaven forbid any such
degrading activities which would be abhorrent in the sight of the Lord. For any Latter-day Saint, and particularly
those who have been taught in the sacred ordinances of the temple, to engage in
any kind of perversions of this sacred God-given gift of procreation, would be
sure to bring down the condemnation of the Lord whom we would offend were we to
engage in any such practice." (Letter from Harold B. Lee, May 17, 1973,
prepared by President Lee’s secretary)
First Presidency
Statement (issued in 1982)
"Letter
to all Priesthood Leaders,
"Married persons should
understand that if in their marital relations they are guilty of unnatural,
impure, or unholy practices, they should not enter the temple unless and until
they repent and discontinue any such practices.
Husbands and wives who are aware of these requirements can determine by
themselves their standing before the Lord.
All of this should be conveyed without having priesthood leaders focus upon intimate matters which are a part of
husband and wife relationships. Skillful
interviewing and counseling can occur without discussion of clinical details by
placing firm responsibility on individual members of the Church to put their
lives in order before exercising the privilege of entering a house of the Lord. The First Presidency has interpreted oral
sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which
troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."
(Signatures)
Spencer Kimball
N. Eldon Tanner
Marion G. Romney
Gordon B.
Elder Bruce R. McConkie
Elder McConkie specifically
mentioned “sodomy,” a term that refers to oral and anal sex, as a type of
lewdness, as one of the sexual sins condemned by the Lord:
“Every degree and type of
lewdness . . . of sodomy . . . fornication, adultery, and uncleanness .
. . are condemned by divine edict.” (Mormon Doctrine, Second Edition,
The following statements
from other General Authorities clearly seem to have been aimed at practices
such as oral sex:
Elder Boyd K. Packer
"I must include a
caution to you who are married. A couple
may be tempted to introduce things into your relationship which are unworthy. .
. . If you do, the tempter will drive a wedge between you. If something
unworthy has become part of your relationship, don't ever do it again! Now, what exactly do I mean by that? You know what I mean by that, and I will not
respond to any questions about it. We do
not, in our counseling, enter the bedrooms of members of the Church."
("The Fountain of Life," BYU Address,
Elder Dallin H. Oaks
“Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional,
romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It
erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or
illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are
led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its effects on their
life and the lives of others.” (“Pornography,” Liahona, May 2005,
emphasis added)
This is a significant
statement, because one of the acts most frequently performed in pornographic
videos is oral sex.
Elder Bruce Hafen
"For example, as you
date and hang out, even when you feel there is a growing foundation of love in
a relationship, show your profound respect for that love—and for the doctrines
about eternal love and family life—by bridling your passions. Don't be deceived
by the false idea that anything short of the sex act itself is okay. That is a
lie, not only because one step overpoweringly leads to another, but because
even touching another person's body with sexual intent is part of the intimacy
that is kept holy by the sanctuary of chastity. Please also beware of
unnatural sexual acts that are just as immoral, if not worse, than traditional
fornication or adultery." ("Your Longing for Family Joy," Ensign,
October 2003, p. 28, emphasis added)
Elder Spencer J. Condie
“Unfortunately, some married
couples fail to realize that sexual experiences were never intended by the Lord
to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. When couples
engage in physical intimacy devoid of emotional and spiritual intimacy, or when
they participate in unholy practices, what should be a spiritually bonding
element in their marriage may actually become a disruptive force. Going to
the scriptures and to the words of modern prophets for inspired counsel is one
of the best ways husbands and wives can improve their communication and strengthen
their marriage.” (“Finding Marital Unity through the Scriptures,” Ensign,
July 1986, p. 52, emphasis added)
Lex De Azevedo
Brother Azevedo, although
not a General Authority, is a well-known LDS composer. In 1985 the Ensign, the Church’s
official magazine, published an article of his on “A Closer Look at Popular
Music” in which he noted that modern rock music increasingly glorifies various
types of perversion, and he included sodomy as being among them:
“Songs and poems of adultery
and fornication are nothing new; every generation has had its fill of them. But
in order to make their product more and more exciting—and sell more
songs—record producers have gradually added additional perversions to their
traditional preoccupation with illicit sex. Today, songs containing references
to homosexuality, transvestism, sodomy, masturbation, sadomasochism,
rape, prostitution, venereal disease, child abuse, and incest have all been
added to the musical menu.” (“A
Closer Look at Popular Music,” Ensign, March 1985, emphasis added)
Church Publication Titled
A Parents Guide
“You can
best teach your children that intimacy between husband and wife must be
guided by righteous attitudes toward each other. The most sacred intimacy
must be shared in a relationship characterized by genuine love. If we truly
love others and desire their eternal joy—if we are our brother’s keeper—our
intimate relations as husband and wife will uplift rather than degrade.
Immorality, which stems from a desire for selfish pleasure, will be
unthinkable. Lust is selfish. It therefore draws a man and a woman, a brother
and sister, into an unlawful or an unrighteous association with each other. Lust
dulls the senses and encourages people to increasingly bizarre efforts to feel
pleasure. Lustful men and women, married or not,
will be preoccupied with selfish mental or physical gratification of their
appetites without feeling the joy of natural affection. Virtuous behavior,
however, does not reject the feeling and joy of the physical senses but
provides a full and satisfying enjoyment of them. Genuine love—love
unfeigned—leads us to lawful and righteous relationships, to compassionate but
chaste relationships outside of marriage, and to righteous intimacy within
marriage—within the bounds the Lord has set. . . .
“Choose books about human intimacy carefully when you
teach your children or when allowing others to teach your children about this
subject.” (A
Parent’s Guide: Intimacy and the Purpose of Earthly Families, emphasis
added)
It’s interesting to note
that ancient Christian sources likewise condemn the practice of oral sex. One such source is the Epistle of Barnabas, a
second-century Christian text that was often quoted as scripture by early
church bishops and theologians (Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson et al,
editors, The Ante-Nicene Fathers, Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B.
Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1980-1985, 2:354‑355, 362, 366, 372, 459;
4:97, 424):
Do
not, he is saying, be such a person. We
hear of such men, who perform a lawless deed uncleanly with the mouth. Neither
associate with those unclean women who perform the lawless deed with the mouth.
(Epistle of Barnabas 10:8, in Jack N. Sparks, editor, The Apostolic Fathers,
Epiphanius (A.D. 320-403),
bishop of
They
[certain Egyptian heretics] exercise genital acts, yet prevent the conceiving
of children. Not in order to produce offspring, but to satisfy lust, are they
eager for corruption. (Adversus
Haereses, 26:5:2)
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Michael T. Griffith holds a Master’s degree in Theology from The
Catholic Distance University, a Bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts from
Excelsior College, two Associate in Applied Science degrees from the Community
College of the Air Force, and an Advanced Certificate of Civil War Studies and
a Certificate of Civil War Studies from Carroll College. He is a two-time graduate of the Defense
Language Institute in
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